You remember the card game Go Fish?
The one where someone is all, Do you have an eight?
And if you’re holding an eight in your hands, you give it to them.
And if you don’t, you tell them to go fish and they pull a card from the stack.
The one where someone is searching for a specific something.
And if you have it, you give it to them. And if not, they keep looking until they find it.
Yeah, that one.
Life is like one big game of Go Fish.
Except with life we make it way personal. Even when it’s totally not.
You are not a ridiculous asshat
When you’re playing Go Fish and someone asks for a card you don’t have, the other person doesn’t think you’re a ridiculous asshat.
And you don’t leap straight into that way too familiar I’m-useless-and-worthless-and-everyone-thinks-I-suck thing, do you?
They want an eight. You don’t have an eight. They keep looking.
It’s no big deal.
And maybe someone else at the table has an eight.
Either way, the game goes on.
Cue the puking
But, in life, when someone doesn’t dig what we’re doing it’s so much easier to launch into the everyone-thinks-I-suck thing.
At least it has been for me.
And, oh my god, did I master that routine.
Being rejected has always been one of my biggest fears.
Like huge-paralyzing-stop-me-dead-in-my-tracks big.
It’s been lurking under the bed for as long as I can remember.
And, like its super sucktastic first cousin perfectionism, it’s either totally stopped me from doing stuff or it’s made things miserable enough that I’d just feel like puking all over myself.
But things are changing.
Which is a thousand kinds of fabulous. Because I figured this kind of suck was the sort of suck that would stick around for-fugging-ever.
And since I know I’m only one of about a bazillion people who struggle with this rejection thing, I figured I’d rap about the nugget of gorgeous that’s helped me to turn the potential puke fest around.
So what is it?
Which is just a fancy pants way of talking about this go fish business.
Resonance is a scientist-meets-sound-geek thing. And, seriously, the idea totally turns me on.
Because beyond its nerdy wrapping, it’s like a master key to ridiculous levels of freedom. And I’m all about freedom.
Here’s what I’ve learned from resonance:
You have certain stuff you like. Stuff you really really like.
And when you meet someone that matches that, they really ring your bell.
Because your here’s-what-I-want lines up with their here’s-what-I’ve-got.
And it’s like one big hell yeah! moment all around.
Sexy schtuff, right?
Sexy and, for moi, life changing.
Tuning forks are a fun way to play with resonance.
(Pardon me while I tuck my mega nerditude back in. I didn’t realize it was hanging out.)
Let’s say you have two tuning forks. Both of them are tuned to F on the musical scale.
You whack one fork and it dingdingdings its heart out.
If you hold it close to the second fork, it’ll make that second fork start to ding too.
Because they’re a perfect match.
And that’s hawt.
But if one fork is an F and one fork is a C, there would be no mutual dinging going on. They’re too far apart on the scale to be a match.
It’s not that F rocks and C sucks. They’re just different notes.
It’s not about you
Back to the real life stuff.
You have your own brand of superpowers. Your own extra gorgeous thing that makes you you.
And if you bump into someone who doesn’t get it and love it and happy dance their ass off over it, it’s a resonance thing. It’s a go fish thing.
It’s not about you.
I repeat, it’s not about you.
You’re F. They’re C.
They’re looking for something different than what you’re rocking. Which is totally ok.
You don’t suck. You’re not doing anything wrong. You don’t have to change a thing.
They will wet themselves
There are plenty of people that are totally right for who you are and what you’re doing.
A whole crowd of Fs that will wet themselves when they find you.
Because what you’re doing will resonate like crazy with them.
You’ll ring their bell so hard they’ll see stars. It’ll be an immediate and mutual hell yeah! moment.
Did I mention how hawt that is?
Rubber, meet road
I’ve had two chances to really test this resonance stuff lately.
Because it’s great to talk this stuff conceptually. (Yay concepts!)
But to really get it – to put it into practice when it matters – is where the real mojo is.
What gives with this ninja thing?
Someone sent me an email to basically tell me that they didn’t get the ninja thing.
They didn’t get why I talk about ninjas. Their kids like ninjas. So why do I like ninjas? And why do I, you know, talk about them on my website?
They had an idea of what a guy that does sound-ey stuff should look like. And clearly I wasn’t it.
A few years ago, this kind of thing would have absolutely horrified me. It would have sent me into a complete tailspin.
Back then, after I finished freaking out and second guessing my decision make my love of ninjas a public thing, I would have deleted every single ninja reference from my website.
Because ohmygod someone doesn’t like me.
And if people don’t like me, no one will want to work with me. And I’ll end up totally broke eating cat food in a box under a bridge somewhere.
But it didn’t land that way with me this time.
Because I get that it has nothing to do with me. Or ninjas.
We’re just not a great match.
I’m an F. She’s a C. And it’s totally ok.
She’d have way more fun working with someone who fit her idea of what sound stuff should look like.
And I’d have way more fun working with someone who is ninja friendly.
You want me to do what?
The other day I got an email from someone telling me about a sound healing thing they did with someone in Colorado.
They had an ascended master triple strand DNA activation.
They wanted another one.
And they wanted me to do it.
But here’s the thing.
I don’t even know what that means.
I know these things get kicked around in some sound healing circles. But they’re totally not my thing.
Not on my wavelength.
I’m an F. This stuff is a C.
So I thanked her for dropping me a note, and I let her know I was totally not the right person for her.
Because what I do wouldn’t be a hell yeah! thing for her. She’s looking for something totally different than what I offer.
And that’s ok.
I’d rather her go fish and find what really turns her on.
You get to love what you love
Thanks to the liberate-yourself-from-suck mojo of resonance I get that this stuff isn’t personal.
I don’t suck because someone doesn’t get why I dig ninjas. Or because I have no clue what a triple strand DNA activation is and no desire to figure it out.
There are plenty of people who get what I’m doing.
People who dig a guy who digs ninjas, plays drums, loves punk rock music and does sound-ey stuff that makes all kinds of awesome happen without ever dipping too much into woo-woo.
I’m an F. There are plenty of other Fs out there.
And that’s hawt.
It’s also totally ok when I bump into Cs and Ds and Gs and Es too.
Everybody gets to love what they love. There’s room for all of it.
Two magic words
None of this not-digging-it stuff is personal.
Even when people act like it is. It’s all about resonance.
They may not get that. So they play it off like it’s personal.
But it never is.
When you really grok this resonance thing, you can free yourself from that flavor of funk faster than a speeding bullet.
And any time it starts to feel personal, remember these two magic words…
Riddle me this
How would things change for you if you got that it’s never about you and always about resonance?
Would it change how you see yourself? Or other people?
Would it change what you tell yourself about yourself?
Where else in your life could resonance be the master key to a heaping helping of delicious freedom?
Talk to me.
(Update: 05/26 – I found this fabulous video that shows the tuning fork thing brilliantly. Check it out.)