dear santa, don’t blow smoke up my unicorn’s butt

Well, it’s just about that time of the year again.

And I’m trying to get excited.

But I’m so not there yet.

I know the holidays are supposed to be all joy + cheer + elves dipped in chocolate.

But, really?
That’s pretty much never how it shakes out in my world.

Take the year before last, for example.

I got stuck next to my wackypants brother at the dinner table. He went on a three hour rampage about fringe politics. And media corruption. And conspiracy theories.

I’m pretty sure he didn’t stop to breathe once.

Meanwhile, I just sat there uh-huh-ing myself into my happy place.

Oy.

well, at least there were no aliens

Oh, and last Christmas?

Just as crazy.

I mean, there were no eggnog-fueled tirades about UFOs + secret underground bunkers.

But there was that family member who sprung a surprise engagement (to a total ass clown) on us the second we sat down to dinner.

Surprise!
Please pass the turkey.

And then there was the usual stuff. The stuff everybody deals with. Even if your family’s not crazyface.

The crowds.
The traffic.
The busy.
The lines at the post office that took hours.

So, yeah.

By New Year’s, I was contemplating seppuku-by-gong-mallet.

But the thing is I don’t hate the holidays.

There’s a part of me that likes them. Or at least wants to like them.

I’m just over the extra stress + hard + ack that always seems to show up.

I hate how the holidays leave me feeling like I’m seriously going to lose my shit.

Every. Single. Year.

mining! my brain! for awesome!

I started mining my brain for the stuff that has the most mojo + magic.

Stuff that could help me say sayonara to the suck.
And get me through the holidays in one piece.
And maybe even, you know, make them enjoyable.

I wanted stuff that could shift holiday hard with the quickness.

But I also needed stuff that was super simple + crazy easy.

I mean, who the hell has the bandwidth for complex + complicated when you’re knee-deep in conspiracy theories + surprise engagements that make you want to puke?

So I made a list of some extra hawt nuggets of mucho mojo.

And I started putting together my very own Don’t Lose Your Shit kit.

Then I figured why not share the magics?

Because I so don’t have the market cornered on holiday suck.

what this kit is + isn’t

The Don’t Lose Your Shit kit is full of real life, right now stuff that you can use to keep yourself from losing your shit during the holidays.

There’s a little bit of theory here. But only a little.

Because when you’re about to lose it, theory won’t save your ass. You need some hands-on hawtness that will stop the suck with the quickness.

And that’s exactly what this kit is.

A sweet nugget of fully transferable, fast acting superpowers that gives you the mojo to get through the holidays with less suck + more awesome.

This kit won’t end world hunger or bring peace on earth.

It won’t fix that long-standing ouch between you and that ouch-ey relative.

And it won’t make it anymore awesome to get that cable knit sweater with the 3D snowman on it from Aunt Vera.

But it will keep you from having a meltdown in the mall. Or getting all stab-ey during holiday dinners. Or tripping into a big puddle of road rage heading over to Grandma’s.

And it’ll also make it way easier to do all the stuff you need to do during the holidays without feeling like you’re bleeding out. Slowly… floating… toward… this… beautiful… white… light…

Bottom line: This kit does two things really, really well:

• It gives you the mojo to seriously reduce the amount of ack you absorb
• And it serves up some super simple tools that make any residual suck way less blech and way more manageable

Which means you end up with holidays that might just border on fabulous.

p.s. Did I mention how fast this stuff works? Uh, yeah. Like five-minutes-or-less kind of fast.

bring on the magics!

Here’s a peek at some of the magics I’ve nestled into this suck busting mojo bag:

• Smartnesses about the four main reasons people lose their shit during the holidays and what you can do about each one
• How to expand your holiday bandwidth when you feel like you’re being stretched way past your capacity
• A quick technique for staying grounded throughout the holidays so you don’t get sucked up in the infectious vortex of crazy
• A simple way to take refuge from the non-stop holiday stimuli bombarding you from every effing direction
• A totally trusty tool you can use if you’ve lost your shit (or are about to)

I’ve put together some seriously good tools here.

Stuff that completely rocks the Casbah while still being über easy to use.

And I’ve also filled the ebook with clear suggestions for every tool and technique.

That way you won’t just grok the tools. You’ll also know exactly when to use them. Which is really what matters.

Because having access to superpowers and not knowing when to use them sucks.

There will be none of that here.

Oooh! Did I mention the custom tuneage yet?

I went into the studio and recorded a special track just for this kit called Zenlicious.

And it’s good. Really, really good.

want a taste?

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Magic musics! Designed to help you not lose your shit! Booyah!

break it down

Here’s the skinny on what you get in this bundle of unmitigated hawtness:

• A sexified 21 page PDF that spells out all the awesome
• A musically delicious mp3 of Zenlicious, the custom tune I recorded just for this kit that wields major mojo for every kind of holiday hard
• A how-to mp3 with the deets on a crazy simple sound exercise you can do to create more space anywhere you need it
• Another how-to mp3 about special breathing magics that keeps you plugged into the one thing that can totally stop you from losing it
• Bonus! A lifesaver of an mp3 that teaches you a short, simple sound exercise you can lean on when you’ve lost your shit (or are about to) to get yourself back to gorgeous fast

So that shakes out to one ebook + four MP3s + five scoops of mucho awesome with ninja sprinkles on top.

equal opportunity awesome

You can rock the magics in this kit regardless of how you rock the holidays.

It doesn’t matter what religion you are or aren’t.
Or what holidays you celebrate.
Or even if you celebrate at all.

Pretty much everybody I know struggles with some variety of holiday hard. Even if that hard just comes from everyone around you losing their shit.

Psst! There’s stuff in the kit that helps with that.

I’m also a sound geek. But you don’t have to share my obsession to dig the deliciousness in this kit.

This stuff is totally accessible to people who have zero experience with sound stuff.

I designed it that way on purpose.

Because limiting access to suck-free holidays to people who get goosebumps at the sight of sound waves would just be wrong.

how much is it?

$15.00.

Yep.
That’s it.

Why not more?

Because the holidays are hard. And busy. And full of way too many choices already.

And you’re probably already spending a ridiculous pile of cash on everybody else.

So I wanted to make this a total no-brainer for you if this seems like your thing.

Plus it’s cheaper than Xanax, a bottle of Grey Goose or a defense attorney.

how’s this work?

It goes a little something like this:

You click the stylish button below to commence the snagging.

Once the moolah is sent, you get automagically transported to a secret page with a secret link.

Click the link. Download the kit.

Read it.
Listen to it.
Work the magics.

The suck goes buhbye. The angels sing. Your holidays are the awesome. And you name your first-born child after me in thanks.

the dig-it-like-an-old-soul-record guarantee

I know how much it sucks to buy something you don’t love.

And I know how much stress there is around this whole holiday thing already.

So let’s keep this ridiculously simple.

If you snag this kit and don’t dig it like an old soul record, I’ll give you all your money back. No worries. No hassles. And we can still be friends.

No catch. No fine print. 100% pure simpleness.

we’ve come to that part of the program…

No more blahblahblah from me.

That button you’re looking for?

Right here:

p.s. (or not)

The internet marketing gods say that I should put a p.s. here to catch you before you wander off. Something about how your life will be a big steaming pile if you don’t give me money.

But I think the kit pretty much speaks for itself.

It’s good.
It works.
It makes holidays awesomer.

If you dig it, snag it. If it’s not your thing, no worries. I still heart you like crazy.

Either way, thanks for taking a peek.