Sabotage, Suck Dust And Again With The Gnomes

Gnome!

Gnome!

So it’s that time of year when people are snuggling up to their New Year’s resolutions.

Scooching closer.
Playing with their hair.
Throwin’ down a little winkity wink wink.

Yeah, baby.

The newness feels all exciting and fresh.

Things are totally hot and steamy.

There are tingles everywhere.

You know how it goes.

You also probably know that we’re about a week away from the point where everything starts to go terribly wrong.

That sexy resolution you’ve been spooning magically turns into one of those one night stand scenes straight outta Hollywood.

You get swept up in the moment.
It looks totally hawt at the time.
But the next morning? Not so much.

When you roll over and spot your resolution laying there next to you, you promptly freak out.

Because, in the light of real life, this all looks like a great big case of WTF-was-I-thinking?

And you can’t get out that door fast enough.

Failure with a side of stink eye

Things go this way a lot, don’t they?

Not just with resolutions. But with other stuff too.

You have this thing you want to do.

You decide to do it.

And maybe you do it for a week. Or two. And then you quit.

Or maybe you never do it at all.

Either way, you start to feel twelve kinds of horrible.

Because you wanted to. But you didn’t. But you wanted to.

You walk around feeling like you really should say sorry to someone.

But you’re not sure who. Which leaves you feeling totally weirded out.

And then there’s the shame.

That crushing feeling that balls up in the center of your chest.
While screaming “failure!” every time you walk by.
And laying the stink eye on extra thick.

Oy.

This is hard.

And it sucks.

Cue the sabotage gnomes

And when things go wonkypants is also right about the time that you start kicking your own ass.

With the emotional equivalent of steel toed combat boots.

Beating yourself up for what you said you’d do but didn’t.

And how that means you’re stupid or lazy or unfocused or undisciplined.

And maybe you really didn’t want the thing you thought you wanted.

Because if you did you’d do it. And you didn’t.

Because you suck.

Kick kick. Stomp stomp. Mash mash.

This can get seriously brutal.

And to add to the suck, you’re left trying to sort out where it all went wrong.

Because you felt so sure that you were really going to rock this.

And then nothing.

Zero. Zilch. Zip. Nada.

It’s like there are gnomes who sabotage people by sprinkling suck dust on them while they sleep or something.

But it’s not gnomes.

One reason. A million faces.

A ton of people work with me because they’re sabotaging themselves.

And they’re over it.

But they don’t know how to stop.

They’re stuck in the same sucktastic cycle.

They’ve read all the books. And listened to all the experts. And tried all the stuff that’s supposed to work.

And nothing’s worked.

Which circles back to the whole gnomes theory.

We’ve ruled out gnomes already, right?

There’s really only one reason why people sabotage themselves.

It might have a ton of different faces. And show up in a million different ways.

But at the end of the day?

It’s all about one thing:

Space.

The final frontier

I’ve rapped about space before.

But that was mostly outer space.

Like space on your calendar. Or your to do list.

The space that’s super important when it comes to sabotage-ey stuff is inner space.

Because any new thing you decide to do will take you past where you are.

I mean, that’s kind of the whole point, right?

And everyone loves to wave the go big flag.

But nobody talks about making sure you’ve got room for that bigness.

If you try to pour twelve ounces of water into an eight ounce glass things get messy.

And that’s eggsactly what happens when people sabotage themselves.

They’re trying to fit something big and new and awesome into a container that’s too small to hold it.

They’re trying to expand. But they haven’t made room for that expansion.

So they freak out. Or doubt themselves. Or give up.

Or they do it for a minute and then quit.

They tell themselves they’re not ready. Or now’s not the right time. Or they’re too busy.

Or, most craptastic of all, they tell themselves they must be broken because things never change.

And it’s so not about any of that.

Space! In your inner bits!

You have to have the emotional and mental and spiritual space to hold the awesome you want.

Plain and simple.

Because bigness without space means confusion and fear and wasted energy.

While bigness with space means clarity and momentum and totally rocking the Casbah.

Space is the secret sauce to amping up your awesome.
And getting your gorgeous on.
And making a ton of stuck go buhbye.

When I’m doing a session with someone, I spend at least half the time helping them to make space for what they want.

Because once that happens, everything else is easy.

And that’s when they see things start to shift like crazy.

So if you’re trying to make 2011 different than 2010, start by eeking out some space in the nooks and crannies of your inner bits.

It’s the first step.

And the most important one.

Psst.

Because I heart you like crazy, I’ve uploaded a little nugget of sound-ey stuff that I recorded just for this post.

It’s a fab way to start making space.

Press play. Close your eyes. And spacify.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

You can also snag it*, spin it and keep rocking the roominess.

* Right click (or ctrl + click if you’re a Mac person) to download the track.

And if you’d dig some more help, you know where to find me.

How have resolutions turned out for you in the past?
Does bigness and space usually go together in your world?
How do you know when you need more space?
How did you feel after listening to the tuneage?

Flickr credit – Rose Robinson

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18 Responses to Sabotage, Suck Dust And Again With The Gnomes
  1. Grace
    January 13, 2011 | 1:02 pm

    Yum! that sound snip left lovely tingles up the back of my neck. Thank you.

    The only resolution I ever kept was to never make another resolution. I think the real struggle with them is that people try to use them to force themselves into doing something they don’t want to do. Not so helpful. Not gonna work.

    Space: yes. If I feel myself struggling to push through something, that’s usually a good indication it’s time to walk away, take a break, go for a bike ride. If I find myself wandering around the Internet, reading random blogs, posting random Facebook or Twitter stuff, that’s another good sign that I’m being pretend-busy instead of truly focusing and engaging with what I’m doing. Again – take a break! pull a weed out of the garden, knit a row … listen to some of your fabulous sound recordings. 😉

    Thanks, Fabeku!
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..There’s no such thing as competition =-.

  2. Joely Black
    January 13, 2011 | 1:05 pm

    Oh my goodness how did you know? I’ve just been dealing with this very thing today. I shall get right on to listening to that because I’ve been so upset about it I’ve had a stomach ache all day.

    Thank you so much!
    .-= Joely Black´s last blog ..Amnar Serial- 237 You Need To Hear This =-.

  3. Kylie
    January 13, 2011 | 2:57 pm

    Oh, Fabeku! I love this post! I’ve had an inkling of the need to create space lately (before self-expanding), but I didn’t know how to articulate it.

    You’ve done that for me, and it makes so much sense. I think maybe my next step will be to explore which practices (besides working with super-cool professionals like yourself) help me to create that space. Maybe journaling? Talking with my coach? Taking time for luxurious relaxation? I’m not sure what this will include, but we’ll see.

    Exciting new project!

  4. Rupa
    January 13, 2011 | 3:25 pm

    Fabeku, thank you.
    Your copy is as rhythmical and resonant as your tuneage. And both carry such truth.
    .-= Rupa´s last blog ..Talking With Monsters =-.

  5. chris zydel
    January 13, 2011 | 3:29 pm

    This is just so incredibly beautiful, my friend. I could feel the magic of the space opening up inside of me as I was reading it. Yes, to spaciousness and breathing room to allow the newly growing fabulousness to thrive and blossom.

    I have one question though: Are you ABSOLUTELY sure about those gnomes? I could have SWORN I saw one scampering out my bedroom door this morning.

    Just sayin’ (-:
    .-= chris zydel´s last blog ..Trust =-.

  6. Square-Peg Karen
    January 13, 2011 | 3:41 pm

    AbSOULutely (misspelling intended) – JUST what I needed. Thank you so much!
    .-= Square-Peg Karen´s last blog ..Whats Up With Santa and the Mrs =-.

  7. Natalie Peluso
    January 13, 2011 | 4:00 pm

    LOVE this. I’ve becoming slightly obsessed with the idea of space lately, but you and I know how perfect a good tune is for getting us there a little faster. 🙂
    .-= Natalie Peluso´s last blog ..Shake The Hell Out Of Your Comfort Zone =-.

  8. Stacey Cornelius
    January 13, 2011 | 4:46 pm

    That should jumped right out at me. Wonkypants did too, but for a completely different (and brilliantly visual) reason.

    Maybe instead of New Year’s resolutions, we should be having a global New Year’s Cleaning of the House. I know I have emotional baggage piling up when I have the sudden urge to pitch unused things out of my cupboards.

    But it’s not really about the physical stuff.

    Very nicely done, sir.
    .-= Stacey Cornelius´s last blog ..Resolution rescue- the 3 kinds of Shoulds and what to do about them =-.

  9. Amy Crook
    January 13, 2011 | 5:16 pm

    Insightful and timely, as always. So much energy gets spent clinging to how things are, even when I desperately want change, and it’s exhausting.

    Pick the big mug if you want a double-sized cup of tea. Make the space before you try to cram all the future into it.

    Brilliant.
    .-= Amy Crook´s last blog ..Sherlock sketch 2 =-.

  10. Robyn Elfie
    January 13, 2011 | 5:28 pm

    Wonderful – Thanks for the soundythingy. You said what I thought yesterday driving home. Resolution: quit with the potty mouth in the truck. No more driving profane. But Suckymonster said oh look at that horrible thing &*%^$. And true spirit said (yes, out loud, only dog was there) “there is not enough ROOM in this truck for both potty mouth and the NEW ME”. I remembered the Ooooo sound from the DLYSK and began being very loud with the Oooooo to make SPACE in the truck for the NEW ME. It worked! Suddenly there was enough room for me to grow into the non-profane driver. At least for that trip. Thank you 🙂

  11. Christina Henderson
    January 13, 2011 | 5:35 pm

    I love it. Space! The more that I’m doing and dreaming, the more space I need.

    I feel all relaxed after listening to that sound bit and think I’ll go write and drink tea rather than kicking my own ass. Thank you!

  12. Marianne
    January 13, 2011 | 7:38 pm

    Yes, yes and HELL YES! What makes all the difference to me when I go exploring the new is whether I’ve made space for it (which largely, for me, means whether or not I’ve being doing my yoga-thang).

    You are most awesome indeed, Fabeku sir, and this young grasshopper is grateful.
    .-= Marianne´s last blog ..Why I’m not going to South Africa =-.

  13. Diane Whiddon
    January 13, 2011 | 7:43 pm

    Oh, what a wonderful post! Creating S P A C E. I love that! I can BREEEATHE into that. And I marvelled at this: “When I’m doing a session with someone, I spend at least half the time helping them to make space for what they want.” and it made me wonder how many times things are difficult or terrifying because I’m simply not giving myself enough space to do them in. Wonderful! Thanks so much for the post and the absolute juicy sounds.

  14. Do Mi Stauber
    January 13, 2011 | 11:35 pm

    Oh,Fabeku, this is beautiful. Expansiveness is a thread for me. It turns up in planning and general attitude but also in little tiny moments, when I realize that allowing myself to make a phone call requires me to be, on a small scale, expansive rather than constricted. I’m going to think and write a lot more about this and will love to hear what you say. Space.

    And the music was incredibly beautiful, grounding, and apscious.

    Thank you.

  15. Sandra
    January 18, 2011 | 9:41 pm

    Thank you! This felt important and true. A post you’d written about this a while ago that touched on the same idea had stuck with me and left me wanting a little more. Et voila! Awesome. And that sound stuff is just gorgeousness.
    .-= Sandra´s last blog ..I made a movie =-.

  16. Dave Rowley
    January 18, 2011 | 11:21 pm

    Hi Fabeku, great timing for this post!

    I don’t really do the New Year’s resolution thing, but boy do I get into a panic when I note everything not done the year before, and start trying to cram a boatload of stuff into January.

    Exhausting, and stressful. I really get that it’s space related, too. The physical effects of the stress are like being squeezed and feeling claustrophobic. Both signs of a lack of space. Yuck.

    (Also: thanks for the download, listening as I type!)
    .-= Dave Rowley´s last blog ..The Intention Rock =-.

  17. Katie
    January 20, 2011 | 12:28 pm

    Fabeku,

    Thanks for the download. I love it. In fact I will add it to my morning play list. I start each workday with biggie-size-it another one of your wonderful downloads. I keep that on repeat till I feel great, then move on to other music. This download will be a great addition to my mornings.

    Really makes the day begin on a wonderful note.

    Thanks again.

    Katie

  18. Fabeku
    January 20, 2011 | 5:16 pm

    People! You are fabulous!

    @Grace – Totally agree about the trying-to-do-what-you-don’t-really-want-to-do thing. I also recognize the push-ey thing. That’s one of my red flags that I seriously need more space.

    @Joely – Sorry about the stomach ache. I’m glad this landed at a good time for you.

    @Kylie – It’s a totally exciting new project! And I think every single possibility you listed sounds deelish.

    @Rupa – Big, deep, smile-ey thanks.

    @Chris – Gnome sighting! Gnome sighting!

    @Karen – Welcome!

    @Nat – No lie. Sound helps me to spacify in two seconds. And, when I have more space, sound helps me to fill it up with more awesome. Which I love. A lot.

    @Stacey – What you said about your cupboards made me smile. For me, it’s organizing. I want to organize a stack of books. Or a pile of papers. Or whatever. And, like you said, it’s almost never about the books or papers or whatevers.

    @Amy – Oooh. The clinging! That’s another familiar one. When I play with the space + capacity stuff, it’s amazing how quick the cling-ey bits ease up. But, in the meantime, the clinging can be so so hard.

    @Robyn – That’s the cool thing about space. It shows us how there’s room for all of it. It doesn’t have to be an either/or thing. Which rawks.

    @Christina – Tea + writing over ass kicking! Yes! LOVE!

    @Marianne – Smart point. Space can make all the difference when we’re exploring schtuffs. It changes the whole experience + our relationship to it. Space can be the difference between dear-gawd-please-no to bring-it-on-baby! Space totally changes the quality of the exploration itself.

    @Diane – Breeeeeeeathe into the spaaaaaace! Sweet! And what you said about the terrifying stuff? For me, that’s almost always connected to space. Lack of space equals smooshed. And smooshed equals scary as hell.

    @Do Mi – Expansive rather than constricted. I love how you put that. And paying attention to this stuff in the tiny moments makes a huge difference overall.

    @Sandra – I felt the same way after the first post. There was more to say. Or better ways to say it. I’m glad I got a little closer in round two.

    @Dave – Oy. I get that. List can be so tricksy. Especially when they cue the cramming. Total suckfest.

    @Katie – Totally welcome. Glad you’ve got another tune for your mornings!

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